I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
then he tried to convert me to islam
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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