He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
