I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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