If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
