your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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