hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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