A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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