I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
