Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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