i think my mom watched the whole time
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
