She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
