Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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