just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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