How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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