Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
