she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
