I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
