Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
