so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
