I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
