But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
