Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
