im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
