This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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