She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
