i need an iv and a liver transplant
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
