Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
