just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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