My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
