Dude my mom stole all your condoms
North Korea, Best Korea!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
