I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
