I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
