Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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