Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
