Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
