i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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