Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
