The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
