She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
