I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
