I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
