Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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