Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
