do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
