Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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