i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
