Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
we should paint friendship bongs
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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