It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
