allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
