its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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