yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I will pee on everything he values.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
