when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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