id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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