His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
do nipples grow back?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
