Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
