I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
