she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
