Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
